This is an 18SX article. Based on a true story, names have been changed to protect the innocent, presumed innocent as well as the guilty. Therefore, the characters are purely fictional and bear no relation to anyone, dead or alive. Heck, even the title is a borrowed phrase. The origin of the true story shall remain unknown, even to me. This disclaimer doesn’t seem to make any sense, but then again, what/who does? This is a very long disclaimer.I wouldn’t wish a lot of things on an enemy, chiefly; success, happiness, health, wealth and … the big D. No, not that cup categorised as “D” but that thing that happens when a legally wedded couple goes separate ways, legally.
There are 1001 (and counting) reasons for divorce. Apparently it includes hubby’s liking for old fashioned pyjama (i.e. old t-shirt and sarong), BO, boring sex (what? How can sex be boringgg?) and stupidity (yeah, stupid for saying sex is boring). Some guy in Terengganu is even proposing that couples bathe together to cultivate intimacy. FYI, we do that already! Well, some of us.
So, why the title?
God hates divorces; divorce lawyers love divorces, entertainment journalist revel on divorces amongst celebrities. But for those going through the D, "I have been told," is living hell. It is traumatising, depressing, worrying, embarrassing and frustrating for everyone; the couple, the children, and the family. Life is no longer normal. The mood swings like George (of the Jungle), often slamming into a tree or a 3 feet deep brick wall.
The process itself is cumbersome. Some lucky ones (especially when both are being sensible) get things sorted out within a year, yay! Others may not be so lucky and things get dragged on for years and years. For the reasonable ones, matters can get sorted out within a year, the kids know where they’ll be staying and when; the cars and house(s) get allocated; the responsibilities and conditions are understood and monthly stipend are agreed upon. Everything returns to almost normal, life can go on, depression comes to an end. Well sort of.But there are also other bugging issues;
For one, your reputation goes down the hill; regardless of the cause of the D.
Moving on is difficult, especially for 30 somethings with children. Potential/possible in-laws scrutinise you like a hawk, expecting you to break their daughter’s/son’s heart. All of a sudden you become a potential serial divorcer.
Getting a single person to share your life is difficult, the ex(s) and the kids (if any) will always get in the way, ensuring an everpresent fight-starter or topic.
This is depressing, I shall not continue
Think divorces are rampant nowadays because husbands and wives think it's easier to split than to work things out. Perhaps they forgot the real reason why they were married in the first place. Pretty sad eh? Say No to D!
ReplyDeleteSometimes divorce is not all that bad apparently. Why stay in a relationship where either/both individual are miserable? As for the impact on children, it’s not all negative too. I have some friends who are happier with their parents divorced (and married to other people) than staying married. It’s not because they’re getting 2 sets of gifts or ang-pows, but because their parents are finally able to be civilized towards each other as oppose to the constant screaming and crying.
ReplyDeleteWhat puzzles me though is why do couples get married and then file for a divorce shortly after?? I’m talking about months, some even in a matter of days. What changed within that short period of time? I don’t get it…ok fine, I can understand if it was an arranged marriage…ya la, I know some group of ppl prefer their spouse to be “pure”, can cook and clean a certain way (may I suggest that these ppl go to the maid agency) etc…but most of them were like lovey-dovey, kiss2, abang2, yang2, never missed a raya or family gatherings…but not long after the “I do” or “sah” etc…it’s benci2, I hate you, itu salah ini salah. I seriously don’t understand because MOST of these couples dated for years! A good example is my cousin. In about 2 weeks from now, it would have been her 1st wedding anniversary. Instead she is waiting for the husband/court to grant her a divorce. From what I’ve heard, they only stayed together for about 6 months!! And no, the guy wasn’t abusive or the mean type. I can understand why he refuses to let my cousin go, I mean my cousin knows his family background, y lepas kahwin baru realize x serasi/setaraf?! Is love that blinding? Man…had I known then that they nak separate after a few months, I wouldn’t have bothered to take leave, and would’ve spared me the pain of food poisoning!!!
For us muslims, is marriage a way to legalize sex? Pardon me, but this is how I see it…the guy & his family pays the girl’s family (by way of mas kahwin & hantaran); then there’s the akad, which to me sounds like a trade transaction; if 1 party fails to fulfill their “duties” or “responsibilities”, the other party have the “right” to pull out…hello??!! Baik stay single! In this day and age, you don’t need sex (fine, u can call me stupid!) to have a biological child…asalkan ade some1 to spare some sperms/eggs or tumpang their womb dah cukup. The anak is halal what? Correct me if I’m wrong but yg haram is the sex luar nikah right?
Answers please!!!
a-liz,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments but I'll need some time to address your questions. Tunggu ya?
Anon,
ReplyDeleteMaybe the reason they got married was not real? But I agree with you on all counts.
My parents are okay with him/her - is that a good enough reason to get married?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Anon, husbands and wives should try their very best to make things work (granted, it may not be easy) and not give up and resort to the big D easily. I agree with A-liz too, in some circumstances however, it’s better to go separate ways.
ReplyDeleteAnd Anon, to me, parents’ blessings are important but what is more important is you, the person tying the knot. Think carefully before deciding. Marriage is not easy, it requires a lot of hard work.
Well, like what Sam wrote in one of his ramblings :) “You don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.”
I agree with Peaches, the person tying the know should be the one making the final decision. After all you're the one who is going to spend the rest of your life with this person, not your parents.
ReplyDeleteA friend posted this on her fb "ALLAH doesnt give you the person you want, instead he gives you the person you need... to love you... hurt you and teach you the real meaning of life..."
ReplyDeleteBut, what if the person doesn't know what he/she wants, what will god give then?