From the Horse’s Mouth

Our Ministers say the darndest things too!*

Dato’ Seri Mohd Nazri Abdul Aziz (De-facto Law[less?] Minister) said;
"After ACA officers investigated those involved in the video clip, it was concluded that there is no abuse of power. The Attorney-General (AG) has decided that no further action is needed."

An excerpt from the report of the royal commission set up to investigate the VK Lingam tape scandal:
"The Commissioners find sufficient evidence of misbehaviour on the part of certain individuals or personalities identified or mentioned in the video clip."
"The Commissioners find sufficient cause to invoke the Sedition Act 1948, the Legal Profession Act 1976, the Official Secrets Act 1972 and the Penal Code against the various individuals mentioned in the video clip which we have elaborated in the Report. We do not discount the possibility of other laws being contravened. We leave it to the Attorney General, Malaysia and the Malaysian Bar Council to take the appropriate actions against the personalities implicated."

Sam says – how is that the royal commission was able to find “sufficient evidence of misbehaviour …” but the ACA can’t? Why did the AG classify the case as NFA when the royal commission found “sufficient cause to invoke the Sedition Act 1948, the Legal Profession Act 1976, the Official Secrets Act 1972 and the Penal Code …”?

Dr. Mohd Puad Zarkashi (Deputy Education Minister) said;
“This also occurs in government-linked companies where we have this weird culture of people speaking to each other in English instead of the national language, we are polluting our own culture and identity as a nation."

Sam says – weird is adopting English words into the Malay language when there are existing Malay words with the same meaning. Don’t believe me? Click here for evidence.

Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamed (needs no introduction) said;
"It's about time he goes. Like me also lah, when you become old, you become nanyuk (senile)."
"I am of the opinion that leaders should not hold on to their positions for too long as they would become kolot (out of date).
"Before people say when is this old man going to go, you should go. Then only people will remember you. If you wait for people to kick you out then people will say nasty things about you."

Sam says – how come you don’t subscribe to your own opinion on holding positions for too long? Are you aware of the fact that (some, a lot of) people are saying nasty things about you?

Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamed said;
"Saya amat gembira. Daripada awal lagi saya telah menjangkakan kita (BN) boleh menang kerana itu kawasan kita. Isa memang kuat di situ dan orang India [berwarganegara Malaysia] juga sokong dia."

Sam says – Tun, didn’t you say this before the election?
"Tan Sri Isa has already been found guilty. If Umno fields him, it means that Umno is not serious about such cases. Even if he can win there, [we] have to consider what the whole of Malaysia thinks of Umno ... "A leader will not do anything to destroy the party. If you know that you are no longer qualified, for whatever reason, you stop. Don't cling on [to the post]."

K Kamine Devi, scored 10 A1s for SPM. Public Service Department (JPA) rejected her application for a scholarship to study medicine. Despite issuing a statement guaranteeing scholarships for students who scored 9 As.
"I refused to believe my eyes when I found out on Sunday through the PSD website that my application was unsuccessful. I felt that my world collapsed that day. I just want to become a doctor so I can serve the country."

PM Dato’ Seri Najib Razak said;
"We must bring the talents home and provide incentives to keep them home."

Sam says – People like Kamine Devi leave because they were not given equal opportunities in the first place. Do you seriously think incentives would entice them to come home after how they were treated by the (UMNO) government? Please lah.

Dato’ Seri Dr Khir Toyo said;
"The state government did not think... the cow's head was displayed because it is a 'stupid' animal, to show that the state government made a 'stupid' decision, and disrupted the peace of Section 23 residents. [It has] nothing to do with religious issues."**

Sam says – how stupid can you be? And he was MB? Memang Bodoh.


*apologies to Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby
** MIC Youth social and charity bureau head S Subramaniam lodged a police report against Khir Toyo for calling the cow "stupid" and said it showed his insensitivity towards Hinduism.

Hand of God, again!

France qualified for the 2010 world cup thanks to a controversial William Gallas goal. The goal was perfectly legit as it was scored by a FIFA approved body part. The controversy surrounding the goal stems from the fact the assist by Thierry Henry was assisted by his hands, which falls under the FIFA negative body parts list (unless of course if you are a goalkeeper, which falls under the category of “I can use any body part to stop the ball from hitting the back of the net”).

Everyone living in the lower half of that island on the right of Scotland is furious, even the PM is calling for a replay. Well, almost everyone. One of the most famous Irishmen, a certain Mr Roy Keane is less sympathetic. This is what Keane has to say about the result;

“They can complain all they want but France are going to the World Cup. Get over it. If I'd been there in the dressing room after the game, I wouldn't be talking about the handball. I'd focus on why the defenders didn't clear it. They should've cleared it. I'd be more annoyed with my defenders and my goalkeeper than Thierry Henry. How can you let the ball bounce in your six-yard box? How can you let Thierry Henry get goal-side of you? If the ball goes into the six-yard box, where the hell is my goalkeeper? These are skills and lessons you learn as a schoolboy”.




I am of the opinion that Roy Keane is an arrogant footballer, to put it mildly. He admitted that he deliberately injured Alf-Inge Haaland; intentionally injuring a fellow footballer puts you at the bottom of the scum pile, the worse of the lot. Despite that, I have to agree with him on the handball issue, France won and they are going to South Africa, get over it.

Henry is one talented footballer, probably the best striker of his time. I’m not a footballer so I will never know how ‘a crowded penalty area’ is like but I feel he should be given the benefit of the doubt, I’m sure many have been guilty of a similar offence but it did not result in a decisive goal so nothing was made out of it.

There was no conspiracy; no one was against the Irish, not even God. So they should just get over it and enjoy the world cup.The man at the centre of the controversy has this to say (in case you forgot, he is Thierry Henry);

"I have said at the time and I will say again that yes I handled the ball. I am not a cheat and never have been. It was an instinctive reaction to a ball that was coming extremely fast in a crowded penalty area. As a footballer you do not have the luxury of the television to slow the pace of the ball down 100 times to be able to make a conscious decision. People are viewing a slow motion version of what happened and not what I or any other footballer faces in the game. If people look at it in full speed you will see that it was an instinctive reaction." 

My Good Friend G

My good friend G was once told by one of our teachers that he will never be PM. I feel for him because he wants so much to be PM. He won’t get my vote not because I want a Malay to be PM but because we have been friends for 22 years and when you’re friends that long, you would know if your friends are PM material or not.

G has done very well for himself despite having to go through UMNO instituted hurdles at every turn. As a result of the many obstacles and challenges, he became one angry man and he doesn’t hide his bitterness towards the system. I don’t blame him. I have been debating political issues with him since we were 16, once we even sat for hours at the Kotaraya bus stop discussing politics. Imagine that, two immature, unenlightened 16 year olds discussing deep stuff. It’s no surprise that one turned out to be an influential PKR member and a local councillor. The other became a timid bank employee, expressing his views behind the anonymity of a blog. Coward.

G and me, we agree to disagree. I share some of his views and at the same time I hope he won’t push for some of his other ideas to be instituted. I have both respect and apprehension for the man. I respect him because he has a stand and firmly believes in them. I also fear that he sometimes can be too radical.

I wish G all the best, he’ll make a good whatever he wants to be. He’s a friend one can count on. But I still won’t vote him for PM.

Kantoi!!

This is based on a true story … ahem …

A wife asks her hubby, "Yang, if I died would you remarry?"

He replies, "Well, after a considerable period of grieving and weekly tahlil arwah, we all need companionship, I guess I would."

She says, "If I died and you remarried, would she live in this house?"

He replies, "Ara Damansara is a nice neighbourhood. You've spent a lot of time and money getting this house just the way you want it. I'm not going to get rid of your house, I guess she would."

So she asks, "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, would she sleep in our bed?"

And he says, "That bed is brand new, I just paid two thousand ringgit for it, using my credit card. The bed is going to last a long time, I guess she would."

So she asks, "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, and slept in our bed, would she use my Wilson Staff golf clubs?"

And he says, "Oh no, she doesn’t play golf."

The SB, the MACC and the FRU

I found this joke on the net and decided I should modify it to suit the local scene. I risk being arrested for this but to those planning to arrest me, I beg please have some sense of humour, this is a JOKE. Jokes are meant to be funny, they poke at our peculiarities, and we are supposed to be able to laugh at ourselves. There is no malice in jokes. Have I made myself clear? If you guys still decide to arrest me, I feel sorry for your mothers.

The SB, The MACC, and the FRU are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

The PM decides to give them a test. He releases a frog into the Bukit Cerakah forest reserve and asked each of them to catch it.

The MACC goes in.
They place animal informants and agent provocateurs throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations and taking statements they conclude that frogs do not exist. A tapir was found dead in a ravine after being ‘interviewed’ for 18 hours.

The FRU goes in.
After two weeks cordoning the centre of Bukit Cerakah and causing massive traffic jams all the way to Seremban, they spray the forest with water cannons, injuring everything in it, including the frog, and they make no apologies. The frog had it coming.

The SB goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten and bitten duck. The duck is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a frog! I'm a frog!

Taboo

I dare not talk about politics. Well at least not publicly. Most of the time I talk politics to myself and I have dreams of becoming the Prime Minister and supreme ruler of all Malaysia. Apparently that’s what happens when you talk to yourself to often. Thank God for blogs! So today I’m going to expose my political thoughts and affiliations.

Warning: My views are very biased towards the political thought I subscribe to so don’t expect me to be objective or fair.

I’m not an UMNO supporter. Well at least not in their current state. I do not support the 1Malaysia propaganda (does anyone?). No prizes for guessing where my vote went in March 2008. Or at least where I marked on the ballot paper, where it went is a different story altogether. For this I’m often branded ungrateful. Some say I benefited from the system and now I’m turning my back on those hands that fed me. Yes, those UMNO hands (via their government policies) did feed me but isn’t that the job of the government to ensure the rakyat doesn’t ‘starve’*?

I think the idea behind PKR is a good attempt to redefine the landscape of Malaysian political parties. Gerakan tried it back in the late 60’s but they somehow went over to the dark side (The dark side depends on which side you’re on). The problem with PKR is that they are full people frustrated with BN. Don’t get me wrong, is a good thing if the reason for being frustrated is valid but sometimes the reason for being frustrated stems from the lack of contracts, losing in the party polls and not getting to become YBs. Those are not valid reasons.

Both sides of the divide suffer from leadership problems.

BN leaders IMHO, carry too much stinky baggage. Some refuse to retire. A certain Law minister IMHO, makes far too many stupid statements and decisions. A certain former MB is so defiant and arrogant; he thinks its okay to use the taxpayers’ money to go for family holidays to Disneyland. The only decent leader they have is too old and unappreciated. No, I’m not talking about Herr doktor.

Sometimes I feel that BN has lost the plot. MCA is in disarray. MIC is not getting anywhere with Samy driving. Gerakan is as good as dead. And UMNO is living a lie. I find it amusing that they keep on harping on Khalid’s cows for korban and now Nik Aziz’s free haj but keeping mum on Khir’s shenanigans.

Anwar, being once part of the system has too many skeletons in his closet; he has too many enemies and too many secrets.
Hadi self-created doubts of his credibility and he is also IMHO, not PM material.
Lim Guan Eng seems to be doing a decent job so far and he gets top marks from me.
Khalid the former KGB** chief sometimes can be quite UMNO-pologetic. Despite that, he gets a lot of marks from me too.
Azizan is so low profile (maybe not out of choice); I can’t make a fair assessment of him.
Nik Aziz is my idol. Full stop. I have nothing but admiration for this man. I have only good things to say about him. Yes, I’m biased. I told you that didn’t I?

So who is my choice for the leadership of PR? Nizar, Khalid Samad, GE Lim and Zaid Ibrahim would be at the top of my list although I have not decided in what order.

Another problem with PR is that they do not seem to have a ‘shadow government’. The purpose of a shadow government is to identify suitable ministerial candidates and to practice being the ruling government. This is when errors can be rectified without repercussions. This can also serve as a marketing and promotion tool to tell the electorate “this is what we will do for you if you let us”.

PKR still has a lot of work to do, there are still some ‘phantoms’ and potential ‘frogs’ in the party, some of the YBs need to be told to put the party first. They cannot afford to have any more ‘Nallakaruppans’ or ‘Ezams’ or ‘Lokmans’.

PAS needs to stop the unity talk bullshit and focus on being a party acceptable to all. They should stop moral policing and focus on Islamic education instead.

We need to regain the rakyat’s trust in the public institutions. The judiciary and police force have bad reputations. One wonders if the Malaysian Anti Corruption Commission (MACC) and the Malaysian Association of Chinese Comedians (MACC)*^ is one and the same. The education system is driving (some, those with a choice) parents to private schools and foreign universities. Most accident victims are brought to the hospital in tow trucks# and not ambulances.

Given my political leanings, it is without doubt I want them to win the next general election. When they do, let’s hope they’ll do a better job in making this country a great place to live in.


*starve as in deprived of food, shelter, education, medical services, basic needs
**Kumpulan Guthrie Berhad

*^apologies to MACComedians, I dont mean to insult you guys by putting you in the same light as the other MACC.
#tow trucks get to the accident scene within minutes while ambulance within the hour

Two Sets of Rules

Below is the excerpt of a newspaper report on the sentencing of Tian Chua

Batu MP and PKR strategic director Tian Chua was fined RM3,000 and jailed six months after being found guilty of biting a police constable and preventing the latter from discharging his duty.

Magistrate Mohd Faizi Che Abu found Chua not to be a credible witness as his defence was a mere denial.

“Although the video recording did not show the biting, I believe it did as the policeman had testified that he had punched the accused and Chua had retaliated by biting,” said the magistrate.

“I find the policeman’s credibility intact as he did admit when testifying at the prosecution stage that he punched Tian Chua,” said the magistrate.

He said that the sentence meted out to Chua should send a message to the public to respect the court and the law of the land.

The policeman ADMITTED punching Tian Chua. The video evidence DID NOT show the biting. And yet the Batu MP was convicted. I agree, biting someone cannot go unpunished but if the biting was a counter action caused by an act of aggression, shouldn’t the aggressor be punished as well?

The magistrate wants to send a message to the public to respect the courts and the laws, fair enough. But I think by convicting Chua he is also telling the public that the police are free to do whatever they want, their words will always prevail and they will never be brought to book.

I wonder how they sleep at night.

Btw, I’m willing to bet all the money I have in my bank account (RM27.68) that Utusan and Berita Harian did not report that the policeman punched Chua first.

Let’s not Complicate Things

To be a Muslim, all one needs to do is adhere to the 5 ‘commandments’; believe without doubt that Allah is God and Muhammad is His messenger; pray 5 times a day; fast during Ramadhan; pay zakat and perform Haj in Baitullah, at least once.

In addition to those five, A Muslim must also believe in the one God, the Prophets as messengers of God, the Angels, the Quran being the word of God, judgement day and Qada’ and Qadar (should not be defined as ‘fate’ but ‘God’s plans’ instead which can be altered through prayers and effort).

Fulfilling the 11 conditions would make one a Muslim, maybe not a pious Muslim but a Muslim nonetheless.

So, what is wrong with being a Shiite, Sunni or Wahabbi? For as long as those 11 conditions are fulfilled, the Muslim-ness is complete. The differences between the sects and mazhabs are only in opinion, practices and interpretations of the rules of Shariah. For as long as one does not deviate from the 11, there should not be an issue as to which (legit) branch of Islam a Muslim follows.

I stand corrected.

How About Some Humility and Gratitude?

Some people think they are so great. They think too highly of themselves. They think everyone needs them and can’t survive if they are not around. They think they are sooo important. Maybe it’s in the genes.

I’m sorry to spoil the party, but no one is indispensable.

Some people are so selfish, short-sighted and ungrateful.

A concession given by top management (no one has ever gotten such a privilege) deserves some form of gratitude. A promotion despite being absent from active duty plus an unusually huge bonus also deserves some form of gratitude.

A lesson in business management
Organisations grow. A small 3-4 man department means everyone reports to the head. As things get bigger, the boss may need an assistant or two to supervise the burgeoning headcount. Some may not be reporting to the head anymore but their job scope widens with more responsibilities compared to before. One day, the department will grow even bigger, maybe more units will be created and the head will require more assistants to supervise the new, larger set-up.

Sometimes a little patience is all one needs. And how about some humility and gratitude?

Rio, Joberg and now KL?

I have never been to Johannesburg or Rio de Janeiro but I heard the crime rate there is quite high to the point where one can be mugged from inside their vehicles in broad daylight.

My postings are becoming more and more depressing lately. Rest assured it does not reflect my mental state. Some say that was what Robert Enke said the day before his suicide. Sigh.

Anyway, what I want to talk about today is snatch thefts. Daring ones.
A few days ago H lost her handbag to snatch thieves. Those b****s smashed her front passenger window and grabbed her handbag which was on the front passenger seat. This happened at 8pm, on a weeknight, at the Yap Kwan Seng/Tun Razak traffic lights.

Their modus operandi was to target solo women drivers (obviously) and strike when the lights are red so the victim cannot run or chase them. The size/make/model of the car is irrelevant, everyone is a potential victim. H was driving a huge SUV (no, a CRV is not a huge SUV, its a midsized SUV), it didn’t deter them despite the risk of being rammed down and killed by a marauding 4x4.

What was worse is that H not only had her personal particulars in her handbag but also her house keys! The scoundrels now know where she lives and has her house keys. Although all the locks in the house have been changed, she still lives in fear.

Some years ago, while walking to the car after a nice dinner, X’s handbag was almost snatched. It happened so fast, I had no chance to react, even if I had a bazooka with me that night, I wouldn’t be able to blow their heads off, it was a split second thing. Luckily X was not hurt but the trauma didn’t go away so easily.

A colleague has a sister who was seriously injured by snatch thefts, spent months in ICU. Everyone knows someone who has been a snatch theft victim. The papers report them almost on a daily basis.

The loss of personal property is not the concern, broken windows can be fixed. It is the trauma, the fear, which will linger for a long time; it is not a nice feeling.

Good riddance to those thieves who died ‘during active duty’. For those who escaped with bruises and broken bones, the vigilantes are obviously not finishing what they started out to do. Killing snatch thieves should be commended and rewarded.

Snatch thieves would not get it easy for me. No, I won’t kill them; they will continue to live their natural life albeit minus a few limbs and organs and probably their eyesight.

I still hope to one day be able to visit Joberg and Rio, for the World Cup and Olympics perhaps …

Robert Enke, Honover 96, Germany, 1977-2009

Goalkeeper Robert Enke (pic, right), who committed suicide by jumping in front of an express train, had long suffered from depression and fears of failure, his wife and his doctor said yesterday.

Enke’s wife said the couple had tried to overcome years of depression through therapy. “When he was acutely depressed, it was a very difficult time because he lacked motivation and any hope of improvement, we thought we could do everything and we could do it with love but you can’t always do it.” she told reporters at a news conference.

Enke, who apologised in a suicide letter for hiding the condition leading up to his death, tried hard to keep his depression secret.

Germany team manager Oliver Bierhoff broke down in tears after adding that Enke’s depression had gone unnoticed by team mates and officials.

(reuters)

Saying Goodbye (part I)

How do you say goodbye to a part of your life? How do you force yourself to get out of bed every morning when that part is missing from your life? How do you move on when all you think of is the things you’ll miss? What can you do to fill the void? Will anything else be as good? Will anything else make you happy?

Leaving a comfort zone and moving to uncharted territory is scary.

Brain Drain

Statistics from the Malaysian Employers Federation (MEF) showed that two thirds of the estimated 785,000 Malaysian working overseas is likely to be professionals. 44 percent of them are working across the causeway, 28 percent in other parts of Asia and 15,000 are working in other parts of the world.

In 2000, the government launched a programme to lure them back to Malaysia with offers of tax and duties exemptions. They mainly targeted doctors, engineers and IT professionals. During the nine years of the programme, only 770 professionals took up the offer. If you ask me, the programme failed.

What are the possible reasons for its failure? Money obviously. But there are also other factors. Children’s education, for example. These professionals are overseas maybe because they want better education for their children. Some are probably overseas because they want to repay the faith shown in them by these foreign countries, perhaps some of them were given scholarships by those foreign countries/universities.

Some are overseas maybe because the Malaysian government didn’t give them (those qualified) scholarships, making them feel ‘unwanted’ and hence have no desire to return.

Money may be the biggest influencing factor but many say the cost of living in Malaysia is lower. But is it? A fresh graduate in Malaysia earns RM2500 per month and in the UK, £2200. Petrol is RM1.80 in (oil producing) Malaysia, while in the UK is £1.10. You do the math.

Artificial Insemination

According to Mahmud Shaltut, al Fatwa; Caira: Matbu'at al Idarat al 'Ammat lil Thaqafah of al Ahzar, December 1959:
Artificial insemination with the sperm of a foreign person, is, under the Shariah, a grievous crime and a great sin and is tantamount to adultery, for their essence is the same and their result is also the same. For, it is the insertion of the sperm of a foreign person intentionally into a tilth which has not been legally tied to him through the bond of marriage.... The legal verdict for artificial insemination in that way is the same as that of adultery which has been condemned and prohibited by the divine Shariah.

Based on the above opinion, a child conceived under such method is considered illegitimate by Shariah as the sperm is not lawful for any woman unless she is married to the man giving the sperm. As is the case with donor eggs and a rented womb (surrogate pregnancy), these are not lawful for a man unless they come from his wife. IMHO, the process of surrogacy may not constitute zina, the outcome is the same, i.e. illegitimate child.

Call Me Encik

Imagine being at a cocktail party, filled with who's who, (who are mostly "who" TF is that guy?), and while talking cock tales with a corporate "bigwig" (because he's an assistant manager at the finance department who wears a hairpiece), the waiter, a young engineer from Bangladesh comes up to you and says "more prawn cocktail Dato?" You look at him with disdain, your face turning red with anger, clenching your fist you tell him, "Please call me Encik!"

Well, given the number of Datuks around, that scenario is quite likely. Everyone assumes everyone is one. Every Timbalan KSU or Deputy DG expects one, all SACs and Brigadears are one, DOs are Datuks, CEOs, regardless of the size of the company is almost certainly a Dato'. Professors are a new addition to the fraternity and now, celebrities and sportsmen. Dato' Siti, Dato' Kathy, Dato' David (Arumugam), Dato' Jalal, Datuk Yusof Haslam, Dato' CW Lee, Dato Misbun, Dato Nicol and even Dato' Shah Rukh! Sultan Kahlil of Melaka justified SRK's award, saying he promoted Melaka to the world through his movies. I pray we won't see a Dato' Awie, ever!

Back in the 1980s, our DPM and Finance Minister were mere Enciks, even the Education Minister back then was just a 'saudara' ...

What is a Dato'ship? My take on the title is that it should serve as a reward for an achievement. I have no problems with government servants or corporate bigwigs or singers or even politicians getting awarded but I feel it should be given to the most deserving, upon retirement, i.e. those who has served the country/state (as opposed to just about to serve, i.e. first term assemblymen or newly appointed KSU), or those who has served the royal family or those who have achieved something out of the ordinary.

Yes, Nicol David deserves the title but couldn't they wait at least until she retires? That Azhar guy who sailed around the world got a Datoship but those two (Malaysian of Indian descent) who reached the top of Everest didn't. Why the double standards? What about the guy who swam across the English Channel? He did it faster than the earlier guy but the earlier guy got a Dato'ship.

And by the way, I met Sean and Catherine the other night at a cocktail party, they are asking when is their Datoship coming? After all, they did promote Malaysia through their movie Entrapment.

Marina Undau

Marina is a bright 17 year old girl from Seri Aman, Sarawak. Her dad is of the Iban descent and her mom is Chinese. All her life she believed that she is a Bumiputera, like the Kadazans, the Malays, the Senois and the other Ibans. But apparently she not a Bumiputera, at least according to the official Sarawak definition of “children of the soil”, all because her mom is not a Bumiputera.

Marina did very well for her SPM. 9A’s and 1B may not grab any headlines but it is an achievement considering that the limited educational resources accorded to her (and her peers). Thinking that she was a Bumiputera, she applied for the “exclusively Bumi only” matriculation programme. She was denied entry. Because she was not Bumiputera enough. Because her mom is Chinese. Her dad appealed to the authorities. They were all turned down. Officials said they were merely following the rules. She is not a Bumi and therefore she doesn’t qualify.

That’s the funny thing about racial classification in this country. Anyone can be Malay as long as he/she adheres to the definition in the constitution. Click here to know how to become a Malay (and therefore Bumiputera)

Bumiputera has three different definitions, one each for the Peninsular (Malaya), Sabah and Sarawak.

• Article 161(a) of the Federal Constitution which stipulates that for a child born in Sarawak to be classified as Bumiputra, both parents must be a Bumiputra.
• A child born in the peninsula will be accorded Bumiputra status as long as one of his or her parents is a Bumiputra.
• In Sabah, a child is classified a Bumiputra if his or her father is a Bumiputera.
  

Why the three differing definitions/classifications? Do we blame Lord Cobbold for this? Why make life difficult?

Why do we still need to differentiate the Bumi from the non-Bumi? Bumiputera can be translated as children of the soil. And since most of the (50 year old and younger) “non-Bumi” are born on Malaysian soil, it makes them by default Bumiputeras.

Back to Marina, issues like this could make people like her disappointed or even angry with the system. This could drive them out of the country. While we would encourage the criminals to leave our shores, it will be a big loss if quality citizens like Marina emigrate to another country. When people like her make it good in another country, our government would be practically on their knees begging her with incentives thrown in to come back and serve the land she was born in. But policies in the land she was born in made her go away in the first place.

I am a Bumiputera, I qualify as one under any of the three definitions. Why can’t we all be just Malaysians, with equal rights and opportunities? You’ll never know; we might end up making this country a better place ...

Ron is not McDonald

The new RON 95 grade petrol was introduced to the Malaysian market 2 months ago, so this posting may seem a little out of date, a little too late (ouch!). However, some people are still confused about all this RON mumbo jumbo, so, this is my contribution towards Ron education. It’s always better late than never.

RON stands for Research Octane Number. The octane number or rating refers to the petrol’s ability to withstand auto ignition inside the engine. Auto ignition or premature ignition (no funny ideas please!) happens when petrol is ignited in the engine BEFORE the spark plug ignites the fuel. This phenomenon is commonly known as “knocking”. Knocking has a negative effect on the performance of a vehicle.

The higher the octane number, the higher the fuel’s ability to resist auto ignition. Therefore, RON 99 is harder to ignite compared to RON 95 and so on.

High performance vehicles are designed to be used with higher octane fuel. Higher octane rating reduces (or eliminates) knocking and hence keeping performance at its optimum.

Using fuel with the right octane rating will maximise the effectiveness of your vehicle but at the same time most modern vehicles (I’m not sure if Proton is included in this list), are fitted with knock sensors which enables the engine to adjust it’s combustion timing according to the fuel octane rating and hence avoids knocking. Not all vehicles require fuel with a high octane rating. Your car’s owner’s manual will tell the minimum octane requirement for your car. Most cars can still use RON 92 and using a higher than recommended RON rating does not make your car more powerful, it just makes the engine work harder to ignite the fuel.

I’m not a petroleum engineer, heck I’m not even an engineer of any sort but my recommendation is use RON 95, because it’s cheaper, unless you are driving a BMW M3, Porsche, Mercedes AMG or Suzuki Swift sport.

Time for Kerang (updated)

I was never a fan of seafood; I hardly even eat fish, apart from pari bakar or kari kepala ikan merah but recently my liking for food from the sea suddenly appeared. I used to have a bit of sinus problem, sometimes triggered by shell seafood like kerang, kepah, lala but somehow it went away and kerang bakar or rebus is a favourite of mine now.

I haven’t been to many seafood places but according to some people, these places are worth a try.

Ana Ikan Bakar Petai @ Tanjung Lumpur, Kuantan
Turn right at the big Teluk Sisek traffic lights near the BMW showroom (if you’re coming from Kuantan town). Look for signs to masjid Tanjung Lumpur, the restaurant is near the masjid. The best seafood restaurant I’ve been to so far. Going in the early evening is highly recommended, the place is jammed packed by 8pm.

Lala Chong @ Ara Damansara
A friend was scolded for not ordering lala. I would recommend the sweet sour ketam with fried bun.

Muhibbah Seafood @ Taman Tun Dr Ismail
Halal Chinese style seafood. Been there a few times, nice, clean place, no complaints about the food or price.

Muara @ Northport, Kelang
The last time I was there it was really crowded, resulting in slow service. I got my pari but I don’t think it was the same pari I chose at the counter.

Fatty Crab @ Taman Megah, PJ
Haven’t been there. Must take Elan there one day, he loves crabs.

The Magnificent Fish & Chips Bar @ Changkat Bukit Bintang, KL
British style gastropub. Been here twice, many varieties of fish to choose from. Caters to the upmarket crowd. Will never match the fish & chips eaten out of newspaper wrapping with wooden forks, vinegar generously poured over the chips while enjoying the sea breeze in Hastings …

Seafood Restoran Kuala Selangor @ Kuala Selangor
According to my informant, the restaurant is after the bridge, on the left (if driving from KL). Apparently there is also an old signboard directing customers to the place.

Eden Village @ Chulan Square
Apparently this restaurant is well known for its seafood preparations. I guess that was back in the days when they were located next to the Weld swimming pool near BBGS (the whole place is the Pavilion now). The last time I was at Eden I had steak …

Anjung Batu @ Merlimau, Melaka

Exit the Jasin toll, turn left to Merlimau and join the old trunk road heading towards Melaka town. Look for signs to the Dumai ferry jetty on your left. There is only 1 restaurant, food's quite good (but then again, we were very hungry!) but the spread is quite limited, we were unlucky as they ran out of prawns during our visit. They ran out of otak-otak at 10pm but the nasi lemak is freshly prepared.

Kerang rebus/bakar dipped in chilli+oyster sauces tastes good even from a road side stall … yummy.

Can I have one AP please?

A (legal?) get rich quick scheme known as the Approved Permit (AP) will soon cease to be a golden goose for certain highly connected Bumiputera businessmen. It is a get rich quick scheme simply because the licences are free and virtually risk less as each can be on-sold to importers for instant cash. The only catch is you have to be somebody who knows somebody to get an AP. Initially it was supposed to be abolished by 2010, now its 2015. Tomorrow it could be 2020 …

Why do we need APs to import cars in the first place?
Import Licensing through the AP was introduced in 1970 with the objective of promoting and providing opportunities for Bumiputera entrepreneurs in the automotive sector. APs also serve as a mechanism used to control the number of vehicles allowed to be imported into Malaysia. Every imported vehicle requires an AP and it is only given out to car dealers and/or importers, individuals, diplomats and Members of Parliament. APs limit the number of imported vehicles in the country therefore (artificially, forcibly) protecting the market for Malaysia's national cars [Proton, Perodua, Naza (?), Inokom (?)].

Is this a fair trade practice? Granted it was an affirmative action with the objective of nurturing Bumiputera auto businessmen but how many (apart from the NAZA Group) have actually taken the initiative and capitalised on the programme to build a proper auto business?

Why can’t any individual apply to the relevant ministry/department (MITI/JPJ/Kastam etc) every time they want to import a car? Of course strict conditions and limitations will be imposed and adhered to every time an application is made but the freedom to apply must first be granted.

The AP programme has been around for 39 years; it should have nurtured more than 1 independent, successful Bumiputera auto entrepreneur within that time, anything less would be considered a failure. Something which fails needs to be abolished or replaced, simple.

Proton is 25 years old. It should be able to stand on its own four wheels. If it still needs government protection that means it has failed. Sell it to Volkswagen.

Travelogue #06 – Tioman

On the way back from Tioman recently, a friend asked if I was going to write about our trip. I promised I will but told her that no names will be mentioned. But since you asked, I dedicate this piece especially for you Len …

Tioman is apparently also known as Gunung Daik Bercabang Tiga and legend says that the island is formerly a Chinese dragon princess who while on her way to meet her beau in Singapore, decided to stop and rest in the calm waters off Mersing. She liked it so much there and decided to morph into an island.

Tioman is located off the east coast of Peninsular Malaysia in the state of Pahang.

The beaches of Tioman were depicted in the 1958 movie South Pacific as Bali Hai. In the 1970s, TIME Magazine named Tioman as one of the world's most beautiful islands.

Now Tioman is a duty free zone and offers a good selection of alcohol and cigarettes at very cheap prices. So, reasons to go to Tioman;
1) relatively unspoilt beaches and jungles
2) jungle trekking and mountain biking
3) scuba diving, snorkelling
4) to play golf
5) to get a tan
6) cheap fags and booze

The best time to visit Tioman is between mid March to early November.

To get there, one can either fly from Subang Skypark on Berjaya Air or drive down the NSE (E2) and exit the highway at Ayer Hitam, and take the Batu Pahat road to Kluang. Then take Route 50 towards Jemaluang and turn left into Route 3 for Mersing. The roads are quite decent albeit a little winding and are well sign posted. The journey via Ayer Hitam/Kluang takes about 4.5 to 5 hours from central KL.

Bluewater Express operates fast and comfortable ferry services to Tioman. The ferry is the only option and Kampong Tekek is approximately 1 hour 45 minutes from Mersing. There are three services per day in each direction and charges RM 35 for adults and RM 20 for children.

The biggest village in Tioman is Kampong Tekek where most of the government offices are. The Marina and airstrip is also located in Tekek, so is “Vision”, the biggest duty free shop on the island. Cheap accommodation is relatively easy to find but booking in advance is always advised.

We stayed at the family run Coral Reef Holidays chalets, located on a relatively private beach in Tekek, right next to the jetty. The rooms are decent (it’s not the Ritz), clean toilets, nice food and friendly, accommodating hosts. There is also a diveshop at the resort, Ray’s Dive Adventure, run by 3 fun loving and friendly dive instructors. There are hammocks for one to enjoy a book or nap and the clear mild-ish sea tempts even the most reluctant into swimming, although swimming alone will not make one a seacrab.

3G coverage (Maxis & Celcom) is good in Tekek, so updating your facebook status from your i Phone 3Gs is never a problem.

I’m definitely going back to Tioman once the monsoon clears.

Why target Dr Asri?

Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin (MAZA).

He is probably the most famous and popular Mufti Malaysia has ever seen. He is also probably one of the youngest, if not the youngest Mufti around. He is seen to be progressive and open. He is also thought to be a Wahabbi (what’s wrong with that?). He also writes a weekly column called Minda Maza or Thoughts of Maza in the UMNO controlled Mingguan Malaysia. He is said to have the support and friendship of former Perlis MB Shahidan Kassim.

But mostly, he is seen as a threat to the other Muftis.

He was arrested in a private residence while giving a religious talk. Among his audience were PR lawmakers Zuraidah and Saari. Apparently, there were 30 policemen (according to the Star online) assisting 25 JAIS officers (according to the Star online) to arrest a harmless ex Mufti. And those JAIS officers failed to turn up in court to charge Asri.

Both PAS and PM Najib are courting him. In PAS he’ll be the new Harun Din and in UMNO he’ll be the new Yusof Noor? The new Jamil Khir? I think he’ll just be Dr Asri, can’t see anyone for him to replace in UMNO. In any case, UMNO has started to court him by appointing him to head YADIM, which he declined due to the blatant opposition towards him by among others, the Syarie Lawyers Association (PGSM) and 17 Islamic NGOs.

I think religious personalities should not be (publicly) politically aligned. They should remain bipartisan, non-governmental and independent. Their decisions and opinions should not be guided by any political motives or instruction. They should be open to criticism by their peers.

Which brings up the question, should PAS exist as a political party?

Won’t even wish it upon an Enemy

This is an 18SX article. Based on a true story, names have been changed to protect the innocent, presumed innocent as well as the guilty. Therefore, the characters are purely fictional and bear no relation to anyone, dead or alive. Heck, even the title is a borrowed phrase. The origin of the true story shall remain unknown, even to me. This disclaimer doesn’t seem to make any sense, but then again, what/who does? This is a very long disclaimer.

I wouldn’t wish a lot of things on an enemy, chiefly; success, happiness, health, wealth and … the big D. No, not that cup categorised as “D” but that thing that happens when a legally wedded couple goes separate ways, legally.

There are 1001 (and counting) reasons for divorce. Apparently it includes hubby’s liking for old fashioned pyjama (i.e. old t-shirt and sarong), BO, boring sex (what? How can sex be boringgg?) and stupidity (yeah, stupid for saying sex is boring). Some guy in Terengganu is even proposing that couples bathe together to cultivate intimacy. FYI, we do that already! Well, some of us.

So, why the title?

God hates divorces; divorce lawyers love divorces, entertainment journalist revel on divorces amongst celebrities. But for those going through the D, "I have been told," is living hell. It is traumatising, depressing, worrying, embarrassing and frustrating for everyone; the couple, the children, and the family. Life is no longer normal. The mood swings like George (of the Jungle), often slamming into a tree or a 3 feet deep brick wall.

The process itself is cumbersome. Some lucky ones (especially when both are being sensible) get things sorted out within a year, yay! Others may not be so lucky and things get dragged on for years and years. For the reasonable ones, matters can get sorted out within a year, the kids know where they’ll be staying and when; the cars and house(s) get allocated; the responsibilities and conditions are understood and monthly stipend are agreed upon. Everything returns to almost normal, life can go on, depression comes to an end. Well sort of.

But there are also other bugging issues;

For one, your reputation goes down the hill; regardless of the cause of the D.

Moving on is difficult, especially for 30 somethings with children. Potential/possible in-laws scrutinise you like a hawk, expecting you to break their daughter’s/son’s heart. All of a sudden you become a potential serial divorcer.

Getting a single person to share your life is difficult, the ex(s) and the kids (if any) will always get in the way, ensuring an everpresent fight-starter or topic.

This is depressing, I shall not continue

Happy Birthday

Happy Belated Birthday (2 November) to;

• Marie Antoinette
• Daniel Boone
• Burt Lancaster
• Shah Rukh Khan